Spending Campaign Cash At Weddings & Brothels

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In an ongoing investigation of the infamous relationship between Louisiana politicians and money, it has been discovered that over $310,00 has been showered on Carnival Cruise since 2009. (1) That politicians shower their favorite leisure activities with cash should come as no surprise, but if you had to answer the question of where you WOULD approve of our elected reps spending their campaign dough, where would it be? I have a few suggestions starting with the horse races.

Seeing as how it is nearly impossible to “fix a race” it is all but a sure bet that Senator Foghorn Leghorn will squander lots of campaign cash trying to pick exactas and trifectas. It may be a longshot for politicians to win at the track buts it’s an 8/5 bet they’ll find a way to tax those that do. Ski slopes are next on my list and I have 2 reasons for this. One is there aren’t any ski resorts in Louisiana meaning while Representative Greasedpalm is in Colorado, he is not here harassing me. My second reason for the ski resort is a crowd pleaser. Who doesn’t want to see politicians where it is so cold, they have their hands in their own pockets.

Next on my list of where I want to see campaign cash spent are weddings and brothels. At weddings we might see our fearless leaders crying over something other than their latest corruption investigation. While over at the brothel a citizen is being paid to render a service to the politician that the politician renders to the People. Both acts are illegal unless there is a successful election that occurs between them. And that sums up the problem very neatly: the reason there is so much money in politics is there is so much more to be made by buying yourself a ride with this year’s Krewe of Korruptus.